BOUNDARY WORKBOOK
Ready to set healthy boundaries & build trust?
Get instant access to practical exercises that teach you the difference between boundaries and rules. Learn how to identify your needs, communicate clearly, and build an ENM relationship based on trust and respect, not resentment.
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Saying yes when you mean no is killing your relationship
You know that sinking feeling when your partner asks if something's okay, and you say "sure" even though every fiber of your being is screaming no? You're trying to be the cool, evolved partner. You don't want to be controlling or restrictive. So you swallow your discomfort and hope it goes away.
It doesn't. It festers. And six months later, you're lying in bed replaying every situation you agreed to that crossed your boundaries. The resentment is real. The anxiety before they go on dates is unbearable. And you're stuck because bringing it up now feels like you're "changing the rules" or being unfair.
Meanwhile, you've read the books. You've listened to the podcasts. You understand the theory of boundaries versus rules. But when you're actually in the moment, trying to figure out what you need and how to say it without sounding controlling? You freeze. Or worse, you create rigid rules that your partner experiences as restrictive, and now you're the "difficult" one holding everyone back.
Here's what nobody tells you: knowing the difference between boundaries and rules intellectually doesn't help when you can't identify your own needs in real-time.
Most ENM couples spend 6-12 months stumbling through trial and error, damaging trust along the way, because they're trying to figure this out through Google searches and Reddit threads written by strangers who don't know their relationship.
What you'll get
This workbook gives you 52 specific exercises you can work through together, starting tonight. Not theory. Not philosophy. Actual step-by-step practices that help you identify what you need (even when you're not sure), communicate it clearly (without guilt or manipulation), and establish boundaries that create both freedom and security. You'll stop second-guessing yourself and start building agreements that actually work.
For less than a lunch, you get a complete system both partners can use for years. Most couples report having their first truly productive boundary conversation within 48 hours of starting the workbook.
What's Inside
- Discover your core needs and values using 8 targeted reflection exercises (so you stop saying yes to things that violate them)
- Learn the critical difference between boundaries (healthy) and rules (restrictive) with 23 real-world ENM scenarios and how to handle each one
- Use 15 word-for-word communication templates to express your boundaries clearly without sounding demanding, insecure, or controlling
- Navigate boundary violations and repairs when things go sideways with proven de-escalation frameworks (because they will, and what you do next matters)
- Build sustainable agreements together that honor everyone's autonomy while maintaining connection and trust
What Couples Say
We thought we had clear agreements, but working through the exercises showed us how much we’d left unsaid. This workbook gave us the structure we didn’t even know we needed.
This book was a real eye opener for us. We stopped policing each other and started talking about what we need and how we can make it work.
Very practical and easy to work through workbook. We did a few exercises every week, and the conversations that came out of them were some of the best we’ve ever had. Highly recommend for any couple that is considering opening their relationship.
Table of Contents
Five chapters and two appendices. 52 exercises that take you from “I don't know what's reasonable” to clear, workable agreements.
Foundation
- What monogamy assumes — and what ENM requires you to negotiate
- What a boundary actually is (and isn't)
- The truth about rules and the “Box of Rules”
Boundary Types
- Physical, sexual, emotional, time, and social boundaries
- Real couple stories for each type
- The Messy List & veto power
Finding Your Needs
- Needs vs. strategies
- True dealbreakers vs. negotiables
- From trigger to fear to need
- Turning your values into boundaries
Communicating Boundaries
- Why these conversations feel so hard
- The two costs: silence and reactivity
- I-statements, requests vs. demands
- The three levels of decision-making
Boundary Violations
- Handling violations without losing yourself
- Red-flag questions you can't ignore
- Check-in rhythms that catch issues early
Tools & Techniques
- Quick boundary check-in questions
- Quick regulation techniques for when you're emotionally flooded
Questions Couples Ask Before Buying
Straight answers, including the ones that might talk you out of it.
We're brand new to ENM. Is this too advanced for us?
It's actually easiest now. Couples usually buy this workbook after a boundary got crossed that nobody had thought to discuss: sleepovers, safer sex, what gets shared with whom.
Working through the 52 exercises before those situations arise means you set the agreements calmly, instead of negotiating them mid-hurt.
Can't we just figure our boundaries out by talking?
You can; the problem is you don't know which conversations you're missing until someone's already hurt. In monogamy the boundaries come built-in; in ENM everything needs discussion, and nobody hands you the list.
The workbook is that list: every boundary type (physical, sexual, emotional, time, social) with the specific questions couples wish they'd asked earlier.
We already have rules for our open relationship. Why would we need this?
Rules and boundaries aren't the same thing, and confusing them is the most common structural mistake in ENM. Rules dictate what your partner can't do; boundaries state what you need and what you'll do to protect it.
Rules tend to multiply into a box that every new person has to live inside without having helped design it. The workbook shows you how to convert your rules into boundaries that actually scale.
I'm worried that setting boundaries will make me look controlling or insecure.
That fear is exactly backwards, and it's why so many people stay silent until they explode. A boundary isn't imposed on your partner; it's a statement about you: what you need, what you'll accept.
Chapter 4 is entirely about the language: I-statements, requests vs. demands, and the three levels of decision-making that keep boundaries from ever tipping into control.
What if we buy it and it's not right for us?
30-day money-back guarantee, no questions asked. If the exercises don't give you clearer agreements, email us and you get a refund.
One prevented boundary violation pays for the workbook many times over; that's a trade we're comfortable guaranteeing.
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