Whenever I tell my friends that I'm in an open relationship, I can predict their response. And yet it surprises me each time.
The usual reaction is something along the lines of:
"Oh, you're not really serious about her" or "I guess it works if you don't really love her that much".
I have to smile. They've got it completely backwards.
In fact, I'm more serious about her and I have more trust in this relationship than I have had in every monogamous one that preceded it.
I do get where this assumption comes from. I really do. We've been conditioned to believe that commitment equals sexual exclusivity.
If you want to sleep with other people, you must "not really love your partner". You're keeping your options open, browsing the marketplace while pretending to be settled.
This belief is baked into everything. From TV shows to wedding vows. The entire cultural narrative around love insists that "the one" = giving up everyone else.
So when you tell people that you want to open your relationship, they literally can't compute what commitment means outside that framework.
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Different Types of Open Relationship
I'm not going to pretend every open relationship is built on solid ground. Some skepticism is earned.
Some people open up because something's broken. They're sexually incompatible, or the spark is gone, and they think variety will fix it.
These usually fail. You can't fix a broken foundation by adding more weight to it.
In contrast, when my girlfriend and I decided to open our relationship, we weren't trying to fix anything. We were both genuinely happy. Secure. Connected.
We just also happened to be attracted to other people. And we wanted the freedom to act on that attraction without lying, sneaking around, or pretending those feelings didn't exist.
These are fundamentally different situations. The first is using non-monogamy to outsource a problem. The second is adding some magic to something that's already great.
The Foundation We Built
My relationship is built on freedom, not restriction. On trust, not control. On choosing each other every day, not staying because we're locked in by vows of exclusivity.
We're together because we want to be, not because we've eliminated all other options.
That might sound less romantic to some people. But to me it's the most romantic thing in the world.
My girlfriend supports my exploration.
She wants me to live the most fulfilling life possible. And I want the same for her.
We celebrate each other's connections instead of fearing them. In fact, we are friends with each others lovers. We create space for growth instead of forcing stagnation.
This doesn't mean we don't struggle at all. We also have moments of doubt and fear and comparison and jealousy.
But we've learned to work through those things together.
We've built communication skills that let us navigate conflicts without letting them escalate into fights. We've developed emotional resilience that serves us in every area of our lives, not just our relationship.
Strength From Choice
Monogamous relationships often rely on restriction to maintain security. Don't flirt with other people. Don't go out alone with someone you're attracted to. Don't even think about someone else in that way.
The commitment is enforced through rules and limitations.
In my open relationship, the commitment exists because we choose it. Every single day. Not by force, but because we genuinely want to be together.
That choice feels more solid to me than any promise of exclusivity ever did.
When my girlfriend comes home from a date with someone else and chooses to curl up next to me, to share her day with me, to build a life with me? That means something.
She had other options. She exercised her freedom. And she still chose me.
That's commitment. Real, tangible, powerful commitment.
What "Serious" Actually Means
So when my friends give me that look and assume my relationship isn't serious, I just smile.
Because they don't get it. They're measuring commitment by monogamy's standards, using a ruler that doesn't apply.
Being serious about someone doesn't mean restricting their sexuality. It means showing up for the hard conversations and doing the emotional work. Supporting their growth even when it's uncomfortable. Building trust through honesty instead of maintaining it through control.
My relationship is serious because we've chosen to face our deepest insecurities together.
Because we've built something based on radical honesty and freedom.
Because we've done the transformative work that many couples avoid for their entire lives.
The structure might look different. The boundaries definitely are.
But the commitment runs deeper than anything I experienced in monogamy.
So yeah, I'm in an open relationship with the love of my life. Those two things aren't contradictory. They're just different than what most people expect.
And that's okay. Not everyone needs to understand it. But for those of you curious about non-monogamy, wondering if you can be truly committed while also being open? You absolutely can.
The commitment just looks different than what you've been taught to expect.
And that difference might be exactly what makes it interesting.
